Send your questions to Ask Deb

“Ask Deb”:  Who's Deb, anyway?

Deb Volberg Pagnotta:  "I'm the CEO of Interfacet.  I’ve been a lawyer for more than 25 years.  I’ve been a manager, I’ve been an employee, I’ve run my own company, I’m a mom, and I have done many hundreds of trainings of workplace related issues.  I have no ax to grind.  I’ve represented both employees and employers on difficult and sensitive issues, in litigation, mediation, negotiation and other "formal" settings.  I'm not here as a lawyer.  I'm here with my common sense -- and 50 years of work and life experience (concurrent not consecutive) -- to solve problems."

"I invite you to send me your questions and concerns about the workplace.  I will not answer them as a “lawyer” but as a practical person who is familiar with our over-arching legal frameworks and how things actually work AT WORK.  I’ve worked since I was 16 years old, in many types of jobs.  Out of high school, I worked at a loan company.  I worked my way through college as a secretary and then custodian.  I was a personal assistant to a psychiatrist.  As a lawyer, I started in the private sector as the lowest ranking attorney in a small firm in Buffalo – I know stuff flows downhill!  I moved over to the New York State Attorney General’s Office, where I learned about public sector work and learned how to manage a staff (managing lawyers is like herding kittens!).  Eventually I moved back to the private sector where I came to understand the exigencies of business.  I started my own business – Interfacet – and learned to meet payroll.  I've run various programs for many different companies and entities.  I 've counseled many hundreds of employees, in and out of the workforce.  We adopted our daughter, and I learned to dance even faster with even less sleep: a great lesson in efficiency.  So send me your workplace questions.  I think we can help.

Dear Deb:
 
I have a coworker whom I find very rude.  On the surface, she appears to be pleasant enough, but every once in a while she will send me an email which "blasts" me.  Her emails sound accusatory, and she sounds so angry in them.  She never directly has told me she is mad at me, but I am always surprised to get these little tantrum-y emails.  I resent that she assumes I will just accept them and not retaliate in some way. 

Annoyed.

Dear Annoyed:

I would bet that your coworker does not necessarily know that her emails sound rude.  (If she does, that of course is another problem.)  But many people don't yet know the etiquette of emails.  For example, it is considered to be SHOUTING IF YOU WRITE ALL IN CAPS.  Receiving an all cap email does indeed feel like you're being shouted at.  An interesting fact: communication consists of 60% body language, 30% tone of voice/inflection, and 10% what you actually say.  Email, of course, contains no body language -- except if you use emoticons :).  Nor does it have any tone of voice.  So many of the emotional cues we provide in speaking are lost in email.  A short directory email may feel very curt and abrupt if you are used to hearing "please," and seeing a smile.  In conversation, we use many fillers to smooth friction -- email lacks that.  Think through what about her emails are annoying to you.  You might approach her, and ask if she is indeed angry at you.  If she says no, explain why you think she is.  If she says yes, then you can at least explore why!

Dear Deb:

I am starting a new job on Monday in a publishing company.  I have alopecia and am bald – in the past I have always worn a wig to work.  After years away from the workplace, I no longer want to have to wear a wig.  Must I?  How do I approach my boss?

Worried in White Plains.

Dear Worried:
For our readers who don’t know, alopecia is an autoimmune skin disease that results in hair loss on the scalp and other places on the body.  Generally it does not affect a person’s ability to work. However, many women with alopecia feel compelled to wear a wig to work, to cover the baldness.  It certainly can be uncomfortable.  While men with alopecia tend to face this issue less, as bald men are nothing unusual, bald women – whether from alopecia, by choice, or with other disabilities resulting in hair loss – are often viewed askance. 

Assuming a person is otherwise qualified to do a job, federal and state laws prohibit workplace discrimination based on actual or past disability or even the perception of a disability (“I think you had cancer and therefore will not hire you”: clearly illegal!)  Appearance is a trickier area.  Your employer certainly is prohibited from taking any adverse job action against you based on your alopecia.  An employer might assert that a woman being bald somehow violates a workplace dress code. However, where requested by a person with a disability, employers must provide a reasonable accommodation to such a dress code when it is not an undue burden on the employer.  (For example, the NYPD agreed to allow Sikh officers to wear turbans even though the NYPD dress code strictly prohibits head coverings other than uniform hats; similarly, we see police departments permitting Orthodox Jewish police officers to wear yarmulkes/skull caps.)  I’d be hard pressed to imagine what “burden” an employer could reasonably argue is created by your not wearing a wig, as long as you are otherwise wearing neat and appropriate work attire.

Dear Deb:
I have a coworker who constantly sends me “funny” emails.  Some involve “dumb blond” jokes, some are political, some are about sex, others are about different religions.  She also sends me “chain” emails which threaten some terrible consequence unless I send them along to 5 or 10 other people.  She doesn’t seem to target any particular group but just sends these emails along at least several times a day.  We share an office and I don’t want to hurt her feelings or annoy her.  But I am getting tired of receiving these emails, resent how much time they take up for me to read, and I hate having to pass them along!  Any remedy?
Email Victim.

Dear Email Victim:
Employees need to learn workplace email etiquette, as more and more employers use email to communicate.  Employees are entitled to a workplace environment that is free of illegal harassment or conduct.  It certainly sounds as if some of these emails might meet those criteria.  While your coworker may have the best of intentions, and personally finds the emails funny, it is not generally appropriate to use office systems to share that type of communication.  Many employers have policies which explicitly prohibit employees from sending this type of email, but even if your workplace does not have such a policy, anti-harassment laws still may apply.  If you feel comfortable, one of the most effective methods would be to simply and privately approach your coworker and tell her, in very friendly language, that you have so many emails to get through every day that you are asking people not to send you extraneous emails.  This is most likely to allow you to continue a friendly collegial relationship.  However, if that doesn’t work, then (or even before) you should review your employee handbook, if your employer has one, to ascertain what internal policies and procedures might apply.  You could approach Human Resources to seek guidance, although bear in mind that once your employer knows of such emails, it might have to investigate and then take “corrective” or disciplinary action against the offender – while this is correct legally, it can be uncomfortable personally for the complainant.  But each of us has our own limits, and our own sensitivities about what troubles us.  Pick the battles that are most important to you.